If that was your dad, he is hot
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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