and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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