STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
