I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
