i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
