thus making me awesome and them whores
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
