Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
