I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize