Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Randomize
