We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
