it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
