i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So drunk its hurt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm too high and old for this...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
