just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
