why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
