i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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