her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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