You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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