why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
