Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Bring me that man meat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
