Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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