the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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