I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
