I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
