So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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