i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize