she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
