I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
