Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
