I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We had to coat check the pizza.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We don't watch enough power rangers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
