Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
