Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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