pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize