Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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