I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
