you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
