Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
