She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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