I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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