We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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