when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
