wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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