God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
