If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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