also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
