What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
