She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
