I think i peed on brittanys purse
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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