you traded sex for a burrito?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
