She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
