My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
