Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
