You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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