i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
