She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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