sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want nice things and good sex
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
