how can u be prego again
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize