I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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