dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
