How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
