I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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