I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
