i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
