Even the bartender felt bad for me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
