can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
