I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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