dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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